I Love You Daddy, But NO!
Daddy and Daughter time in our household is great… Seriously great!
It is truly amazing that Betsy, at nearly 8 months of age, is interested and thoroughly enjoys the same things that Daddy does, agrees with basically everything that Daddy says and has no issue with the clothes she finds herself in when it’s Daddy’s turn to pick an outfit. Well, that’s my perception but I wonder what Betsy actually thinks.
If Betsy could talk at this young age (I cannot wait until she says ‘I love you Daddy’) then I don’t think she would entirely agree with everything I have said so far and would probably put a stop to some of the activities I am about to mention.
Let me give you some examples of situations or ‘bonding experiences’ - yeah, that’s a better phrase - Betsy and Daddy find themselves in, and in Daddy’s eyes suit them both down to the ground and make them both extremely happy. Alongside these “bonding experiences” I will try and put into words how Betsy probably feels about them and what I think she would have to say.
Daddy - Betsy loves watching Sky Sports News, and Match of the Day is her favourite programme! Would you believe that Mummy? Just like Daddy!
Betsy – First of all Mummy, I really really really really really do love Daddy but OH MY GOD, if I have to sit through another hour of Sky Sports News I swear as soon as I am able to, I am going to climb up on to the TV unit and take a big fat steamy poop, making sure it comes out the sides of the nappy (yeah that’s right, I do that on purpose) and then spread it all over the TV screen and do you know what, I may also have a “sickies” on the TV remote too. What do you think about that huh? I mean seriously, it is the same thing over and over again, on a loop over and over again. It is even more annoying than that elephant night light that plays the same piece of music over and over again, on a loop over and over again.
The worst thing is I don’t even like sports Mummy. I like to watch those programmes you like, you know the ones with all the different housewives from all those different places. Now that’s real TV isn’t it Mummy? To be honest, kids TV (channel 623, you’re welcome) wouldn’t go amiss now and again. I mean most kids my age seem to be watching that and when we get together with the NCT crew I have nothing to talk about…unless they want to know what the United score was on the weekend.
As for Match of the day, don’t even get me started on that awful beard that Gary Lineker thinks he’s pulling off! Daddy has a much better beard doesn’t he Mummy?
Daddy – Oh look Betsy, you love this song don’t you, and the video, this video is good isn’t it? Yeaaaaaaaa, let’s rock out!
Betsy – No Daddy, I don’t love this song. I think you will find you love this song! I suppose the video is kind of cool but that’s only because there are lots of flashing colours and if I stare at them hard enough the sound of the music disappears. I think I will stop doing that from now on and just straight up scream and cry as loud as I can. Nooooooo, let’s not rock out Dad! If that is what rocking out is then I don’t think I will ever be a fan of rock to be honest. They don’t sing they just shout, it just sounds like noise and did I mention that they don’t sing, they just shout?
Apparently I also really like the music videos and songs sung by women because I must find their voices soothing. Strange how most of these women are not wearing a lot of clothes most of the time Daddy. I feel like it should be you wearing the bib when these videos come on. You just sit there with your mouth wide open and I think you actually forget where you are for a minute. You go off into a dreamland of some kind...a bit like me when I see my bot-bot being made up! (Mmmmmmm Milkies!) Mummy walks in and you snap out of it and start dancing around with me saying things like “I think Betsy wants to be a dancer or a singer Mummy, she loves this video and won’t take her eyes off of it”.
I do like music Mummy but if you don’t stop Dad listening to this rubbish then I can’t promise that I will sit there nice and quietly the next time you play the Adele album in the car.
Daddy – What shall we wear today then Betsy Bubbles? You would look super cute in that dress but it looks a little too complicated to put on to be honest. (Why do they make baby clothes so difficult to fit, sometimes it’s like playing dot-to-dot but without the numbers to guide you.) I reckon these tiny trousers and this cool little t-shirt will do the trick!
Betsy – A) why are you dressing me, have you seen what you are wearing! B) I really like that super cute dress and I am going to have sickies on every item of clothing until I’m in it. C) Daddy, I am a girl and not a boy. D) Um, Daddy, I think my vest is on back to front…again! E) These tiny green trousers do not go with this cool little orange t-shirt. F) Actually, aren’t you colour blind Daddy?!
As I say, Daddy and daughter time in our household is great, well for me it is anyway!
Written by Ross